When I Was Your Age...
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours
to spare one afternoon.

He figured if he hurried and played very fast,he could get in 9 holes 
before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee
and asked if he could accompany
the young man as he was golfing alone.
Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly
quickly. He didn't hit the ball far,
but plodded along consistently
and didn't waste much time.
In fact he was 1 shot ahead at the end
of the seventh.
They reached the eighth fairway
and both players landed in a bunker.
The old guy said
"When I was your age I could put this
in the hole 9 out of ten times".
With this the old man just missed
but putted out with his next shot.
This infuriated the young man
but to his unbelievable
belief he holed it from the bunker
and they were even.
To himself he said that should shut him up.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway
and the young man found himself with
a tough shot. There was a large pine tree
right in front of his ball -
and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said,
"You know, when I was your age I'd hit
the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him,
the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up,
right smack into the top of the tree trunk
and it thudded back on the ground
not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment,
"Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

***************************************

There were 2 lines to get into

 Heaven.

 The first was very long and

had a sign over it that said

" Henpecked Husbands "
The second had a sign that said

" Husbands who are the Boss "

 and there was only 1 man

in this line.

 When asked why he was in that line the man replied...

" I don't know, my wife told me to stand here. "

**************************

One day a group

of scientists got together

and decided that man

had come a long way

and no longer needed God.

So they picked one scientist

 to go and tell Him that they

 were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said,

"God, we've decided that

we no longer need you.

We're to the point that

we can clone people

and do many miraculous things,so why don't you just go on and get lost?"

God listened very patiently

and kindly to the man.

After the scientist was done

talking, God said,

"Very well, how about this?

Let's say we have

 a man-making contest.

" To which the scientist replied,

 "Okay, great!"

But, God added,

"Now, we're going to do this

 just like I did back in the old

days with Adam."

The scientist said,

 "Sure, no problem"

 and bent down and

 grabbed himself a handful

 of dirt.

God looked at him and said,

 "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt."

*************

A ten-year-old, under the
tutelage of her grandmother,
was becoming quite
knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her
grandmother by asking,
"Which Virgin was the mother
of Jesus: the Virgin Mary
or the King James Virgin?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johnny had been misbehaving
and was sent to his room.
After a while he emerged
and informed his mother that
he had thought it over and then
said a prayer. "Fine", said the
pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave,
He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me
not misbehave," said Johnny.
"I asked Him to help you put up
with me."*********

********************

That's A Good Question...

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch
called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary,how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary,
where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of
whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up"
mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and
"slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the
ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands"
when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it call "after dark"
when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected"
make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a
"wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee"
mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics"
not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they
have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage,
where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie
so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed
and have dyslexia,
can you read all right?
20. Why do you press harder on
the buttons of a remote control
when you know
the batteries are dead?
21. Why do we put suits in
garment bags and garments
in a suitcase?
22. How come abbreviated is such a
long word?
23. Why do we wash bath towels?
Aren't we clean when we use them?
24. Why doesn't glue stick to the
inside of the bottle?
25. Why do they call it a TV set
when you only have one?