2. Understand instructions.
3. Retain instructions.
4. Follow instructions.
5. Do not overfeed your Elf. Sufficient nutrition is provided to him by offering Lembas and Miruvor. You may feed your Elf up to three times daily with additional food items such as strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate, and grapes. All food items should be as fresh as possible and grapes should be peeled if practical. You may actively participate in the feeding process, although Elves might not initially be willing to share. But you can try and make it a nice ritual combined with some body exercise. (ahem)
6. Elves can get wet. It is recommended that they be bathed a minimum of once a day. You may need to participate in the bathing process, as some Elves are reluctant to get wet. Elvish lips might get dry due to several reasons. In this case, treat them with Elbello lipbalm*, now available in lots of exciting flavours! Not only will it keep the lips of your Elf moist, it also makes them incredibly soft.
7. Elves come fully equipped with many accessories. Proper maintenance of robes, brooms, hairclips, leggings, tiaras and weapons is important. Make certain that each of your Elves routinely cleans and/or polishes his accessories.
8. Elves require sleep, although they don't need as much sleep as we do. Do not over stimulate your Elf, as this may interfere with his resting cycle.
9. The average Elf lifespan is much longer than the average humans. In fact they are literally built to last forever. Please make provisions for the care of your Elf should he outlive you.
10. Fortunately, Elves only rarely get sick. If one does exhibit suspicious symptoms, he is most likely feigning illness and you should search for a psychological reason for his behavior.
11. Do not machine dry.
12. Plastic bags are dangerous, especially for small children. That is why your Elf is shipped in a more user-friendly edible shrink wrap. Exotic flavors are available upon request.
13. Do not expose to direct sunlight, or temperatures under -25C or over 50C. The skin of your Elf is very sensitive.
14. Lubricate moving parts as necessary.
15. Proper grooming is essential. Comb/brush/run fingers through gorgeous Elf hair at least six times per day.
16. Fingernails and toenails must be kept trimmed, as they grow rapidly. Examine feet and hands closely at least twice per week.
17. Exercise your Elf at least once per day.
18. *CENSORED*
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If you have questions regarding the care of your Elf, please contact Lhunu Ellessariel, Várië or Elveanna, WELP, Inc.
Extra equipment, such as leather pants, motorbikes, buckets of water, lipbalm supplies, bath foam, sunglasses etc. available at http://groups.msn.com/mrmysteriouself. Extra charges may vary for different regions/items. ________________________________________________________
* Not tested on animals. PH-neutral.
