|  I wrote this page in 2001, just after starting this group. This is who I was then. To read the new 'MY STORY' page CLICK HERE 
Me HELLO, and WELCOME to my community. My name's Jan, I'm 34 years young, and I live in Liverpool, England. I have a 15 year old daughter, called, Lisa. 
This is her, with her best mate, Kay, (Lisa on the left) We have a spoilt cat called Tiger, who I would happily turn into a fur rug, lol. I'm new to the internet, I've been using the computer, and the internet for about 3/4 months. This is my first attempt at a community, and I'm realy enjoying myself. My natural desire to 'have a go' made me click on 'build your own community', but the rest of this page will tell you why I continued with it, and why I spend so much time here. I now have a second community, called 'Me Animate' where I make animated signatures, banners, backgrounds (like the one on this page), dolls. This is something else I have learned since coming online, and I would recommend it to anyone, I love designing and making things. Click the banner below to look at my new site. Also, a few examples of the things I make. 
    
My Story As a child, I went through quite alot of abuse, so when I didn't fancy lads, like all the other girls, I wasn't realy surprised. I suppose I knew, even then, that I was attracted to women, but wouldn't have ever dreamed of telling anyone, I put it out of my mind, and did what was expected of me, found a man, and made babies. So for 18 long, painful years, I tried to be straight, did what I had to do, to cope with the life I was stuck with. I had breakdown after breakdown, clinging to sanity for the sake of my daughter. A couple of times, through these years, I thought about being with a woman, and made feeble attempts, like phoning a gay chat line, but deep down, I knew that the people around me would never except me as a lesbian. I was taught that it was wrong, perverted, just not done! and did I realy want to complicate my life, anymore than I had to. Two years ago, I fought my way out of my final straight relationship, and decided, that no matter what, I'd never put myself through the turmoil of sleeping with another man. I decided that I'd just have to stay single for the rest of my life. Then, after a year of being by myself, a year without the pressure of trying to be straight, I started to recognise my true feelings, I had the strength to investigate them, instead of hiding them away. So after 3 months, I gathered all my courage, and phoned a gay help line. Like all the other times, everything went wrong, the phone line was no-longer manned, the second number I found was just a recorded message, but I wouldn't give up. So, I went to a coffee evening, found out where I could go to meet other gay people, and now, 9 months on, I finaly know, what and who I am. I've still got all sorts of problems hanging over me, and by finaly 'allowing' myself to be a lesbian, I've caused a dozen more problems for myself. But at least now, I'm being true to myself, and just that one tiny fact, gives me the strength to face all the others. If I'd know just one 'gay' person, or the where-abouts of a gay bar, I think I would have sorted all this out a lot sooner. And this is why I wanted to start this community. Just knowing, that you're not the only one, you're not weird, or perverted, that there are others out there, who have been through, or are going through, the same things you are. If this site can offer a glimmer of hope, to just one person, then all the late nights, spent working on these pages, have been worth it! So please, before you leave, put a message on the board, add a club to the scene guide, or leave a joke! Leave your name on the 'contacts' page. Let the other members get to know you. Well, thanx for reading. If you've been through similar, or other problems, and would like to share your story with the other members, or if you would like to introduce yourself to the community, you can make a page like this, just look for 'members pages'. Thanx for visiting, please come again soon, Lots of love,  BACK TO MY STORY 2003 BACK TO MEMBERS SECTION |
