| WORDS OF WISDOM FROM OUR MEMBERS Be powerful.
Be Wonderful.
Cause you ARE.
Be Fabulous! Let's get US back.
We owe it to ourselves And to the other people who love us in our lives. People who can't commit to be in a relationship can't commit to be OUT, either...(in other words--they like that old swingin' door...) A self-loving person lives another day to help hundreds more. By taking care of themselves FIRST--not ONLY (like many of our partners), just FIRST (like you do when you take a shower and eat before you take the kids to school, maybe). Zendancer
I refuse to have gone through this quantity and level of pain without gain. That gain has to begin reflection in today and as a standard for the future.
Mattjon We can achieve those things our counterparts told us we could never achieve. Yes we made mistakes a lot of them and we will make more in the future.....just not the same ones. We will be selfish for ourselves and our children . We will make ourselves number one to ourselves .....everything else comes second.
Scooby Do they change? Do we hope that they will change? So much so, that our perception of them becomes distorted. Until they do something that forces reality to shine through the blinding clouds of illusion (in some cases it could be "delusion"), and we are left heartbroken again?
Hope is transitional. Change what you are hoping for.
Lotsa
God is far wiser than your spouse, and if he thinks you are worthwhile...then who are you to argue?
Arizonamorning Talk slowly but think quickly. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
EJN Moving backwards is normal , but then so is moving fwd.....the only difference between the two is that ........one of them you have accepted things and the other you don't . In the end you are the one in the drivers seat of your own life , yah know . Go ahead and live in the past if that is what you want to do. The world wont stop turning because of it.But,if you,want to make a difference in your life and the people around you. Break those chains that hold you back from achieving the things you really want and need...........I know "easier said then done" but not impossible! Yes ....you will make mistakes....guarenteed, but that is no reason to stop the fwd motion.......(unless you make it a reason) Progress not perfection.
Scooby
Old memories belong in boxes, marked, HISTORY.
Tweety
First, many (including myself) wish early on for relief from the pain and anxiety associated with separation. Then there were the legal battles or issues associated with property settlement and lets not forget the money issues. Oh yeah, don't forget the need to find another place to live and all of the things associated with that. All of this accompanied the complexities of how the children would cope and handle things. All of these things coupled with the turmoil of "just getting by" really get distorted as the individual also continues to question one's future of "what will I do", "how will I survive", and "will the pieces of this puzzle ever fit together again. Of course, all of this translates into missing pieces which give us a constant source of pain which we seek relief. We want it over. We don't want to wake another day with it or deal with it while laying awake at night in our bed.
The result of this pain takes us all to another place I have read. I have heard of the many who select alcohol or drugs to numb the mind and heart only prolong the destined future. That future is to deal with it or it will deal with you. (By the way, we do that here on this site and that is a wonderful support process - thanks to the many which contribute to that.) I have also read that allowing the full and constant struggle with the grieving process, the losses and the winding journies of "what is" associated with "what was" is an important set of journies to allow the ultimate peace (don't know everything about that because I am not 100% there myself at all times).
So, I have been told to embrace these quandries associated with the grieving of lost love, relationship, dreams and potential futures in order to allow the process to come full future. It is a rough and rocky road that we all wish would just go away, but if what I have been told is true and my experiences have not defaced me, it is all a necessary component to who we are all to be.
I was told early on I would end up a somewhat different person. I think as a whole, there are some changes I personally recognize about myself. Part of a self realization on my behalf was that it was easier to remain myself and hang on the "what use to be" instead of looking at the present and mainly focus on the future. While all of our present times have had "forced" changes our futures are all we have anyway. In other words, become what you need to become for yourself and the others which care deeply for you.
Mattjon
Now I am learning, through prayer and counseling, to face life head-on. To recognize when I am in avoidance, and to find more healthy ways of dealing with that stress. I am doing much better. I don't play video games anymore, and I have set reasonable limits on my volunteerism, but I still have to be cautious of other escapes. Even this site can sometimes be a problem for me. I have to be careful not to get so involved in the struggles and heartaches of others, that I am neglecting my own responsibilities.
Cliff It is hard to let go because he was the sweetest most loyal friend I had prior to the drinking and i just hung in there waiting for the old self to return. It isn't going to happen and I must move on. This behavior has had a horriable impact on my children and on me. We must all get well and move on as a family.
iwlsurvive1 Living in this world is trying, but trusting in humanity is even more so. And yet we must - with the acceptance that relationships with humans always comes with the chance for mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, even betrayal. But never should you lose hope.
Happyheart
The fact is, while most of us would be happy to have our humble abodes merely fixed up, God is not. We'd like for him to pay a quick visit, complete his repairs, touch up the paint, and then leave. But He plans to come and live within us, and work through us. He's continuing to break down walls, putting in extensions, opening up closed rooms. While most of us would be satisifed with a modest house, He is building himself a palace.
Happyheart
(a note from tweety) You can't save them you can only save yourself. Make yourself priority now and do for you, make yourself happy. Don't look at the past as a failure but a lesson learned and look for the gain from it all despite the losses. Take today and make the most of it despite the challenge. You live, you breathe, life is not over until you give up. Don't be the loser they want you to be, be a winner and fight for your survival. Be an overcomer, do more than exist. Achief, accomplish, adjust, overcome. Life does not come to you, you have to make it happen. Tweety These are taken from posts made on the General Message Board. Every voice counts. Let us hear yours. |
