The Ranch Hand
One day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace. She quietly called him over to her. 

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He did.
"Now take off my skirt." He did.
"Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as he was told.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes to town again, I'll fire you on the spot."

 

A cop was patrolling at night in a well known spot for "parking." He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked over to the car and knocked on the window.
"Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing to the young woman, the cop asked, "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugged, "I believe she's knitting a pullover."
The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night and nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 22, sir."
"And her, what's her age?
The young man looks at his watch and said, "She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."

 

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replies, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well, Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago." "Great," replies the nurse.

The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

 

A pregnant woman is in the bank when the bank is robbed. A gunfight breaks out, and she is shot 3 times in the abdomen. She is rushed to the hospital. Miraculously, she is unharmed. After giving a full examination, though, the doctor tells her, "I have good and bad news for you. You are going to have triplets — but each baby has a bullet in it. Luckily, they have hit no vital organs, and eventually your children will pass the bullets naturally."

The woman has 3 healthy babies. Twelve years pass, and she has all but forgotten the incident in the bank.

One day, the first child, a daughter, comes to her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened — I was using the toilet, and I passed a bullet." The mother explains everything, and she assures her daughter that everything is okay.

A few weeks later, the second child, also a daughter, comes to her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened." The mother interrupts her and says, "You passed a bullet, right?" The mother goes on to tell the daughter the story.

Several weeks later, the third child, a son, comes to his mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened." The mother interrupts him and says, "You passed a bullet, right?" The son says, "No, Mom — I was masturbating and shot the dog!"