Not so long ago but VERY far away two young men...frightened by Middle Age had a strange conversation.......
Jerry says:
Hello?
Reverend Roger says:
Hi
Jerry says:
REMINDER:
Jerry says:
Hows trix?
Reverend Roger says:
None for me thanks.
Reverend Roger says:
Trix are for Rabbits, silly kid.
Jerry says:
Tell John
Jerry says:
Anyway.....
Reverend Roger says:
John Deere, John Henry, John, John the Piper's son?
Reverend Roger says:
yes...............?
Jerry says:
Are you ready to put together a comedy act and hit the road with me?
Jerry says:
We have nothing to loose!
Reverend Roger says:
But you're not funny. Oh wait, that's me....
Reverend Roger says:
Our families?
Jerry says:
Funny is as funny does...
Jerry says:
They will always be there, we can send them money.
Reverend Roger says:
Money?
Jerry says:
Come on... we can head for the big lights!
Reverend Roger says:
Life is like plastic vomit. It's not always as bad as it looks. Oh wait, that's me again.
Reverend Roger says:
Stay away from the LIGHT!!!
Reverend Roger says:
Oh wait, thats still me.
Jerry says:
All we need is to write, polish and perfect some real funny bits, we could be the next Martin & Lewis!
Reverend Roger says:
hello?
Reverend Roger says:
Ross Martin and Shari Lewis?
Jerry says:
We only need about 30 minutes.
Reverend Roger says:
We'll need more time than that for a getaway, unless you have a fast car.
Reverend Roger says:
Martin Landau and Joe Lewis?
Jerry says:
Martin Sean and Lewis Carol
Reverend Roger says:
OK, be funny now. Go!
Jerry says:
We wont be able to use a car, we will just walk from one place to the next doing comedy until they pay us to leave!
Jerry says:
Comedy On Demand!
Reverend Roger says:
OK, that was pretty funny. But my teeth aren't white enough for live performances. I'll need caps!
Jerry says:
I can do my knife throwing act!
Jerry says:
You look great in tights!
Reverend Roger says:
I can do my bleeding from various wounds act!
Reverend Roger says:
Tights? Why yes, yes I do.
Jerry says:
With you legs and my bad back we can't loose!
Reverend Roger says:
lose loose means ready to fall apart. Or is THAT what you meant?
Jerry says:
??????????
Jerry says:
Anyway.....
Reverend Roger says:
Actually it makes just as much sense that way.
Reverend Roger says:
Which way?
Jerry says:
I am serious, we put together some real funny stuff, maybe a promo video, locate a bunch of clubs across the country, book some gigs and do it!
Jerry says:
(.)(.)
Reverend Roger says:
OK, but we have to take turns sitting on each others lap.
Jerry says:
You always want a lap dance!
Reverend Roger says:
NO DANCING!!! I bruise easily.
Jerry says:
There are tons of clubs!
Reverend Roger says:
Can I still sell insurance and Mutual Funds?
Reverend Roger says:
I sell 'em to YOU!!!
Jerry says:
We might be able to hook up with some band that is touring and be their opening act!
Reverend Roger says:
"Slut Puppies"!
Jerry says:
This could be our last chance, we are getting old.
Reverend Roger says:
I'm already old.
Jerry says:
You think I am kidding...
Reverend Roger says:
yes, I do.
Jerry says:
I really think we could be the next "cult" comedy duo.
Reverend Roger says:
Cult figures NEVER make money.
Jerry says:
The world hasn't been the same since Cheech went straight!
Reverend Roger says:
Well, Tommy hasn't, that's for sure.
Reverend Roger says:
OK, show me 15-20 minutes of material for the two of us.
Jerry says:
We walk on stage and you go to the mic and introduce us as I sit down on a stool and begin to read a newspaper....
Reverend Roger says:
Can you do actual material. Not just improv?
Jerry says:
You say, "what are you doing, we are doing a show here...!"
Reverend Roger says:
You can read?
Jerry says:
I say, "I am taking a personal day, we get two a month and I decoded to take one tonight...."
Reverend Roger says:
Personal day from what? I thought you quit.
Jerry says:
You act descusted and tell the audiance to ignore me and go on with the show, telling jokes, or trying....
Jerry says:
I begin to brush my hair, take my shoes off, start doing my toe nails, .....
Jerry says:
You start screaming at me "What are you doing?"
Reverend Roger says:
OK, I do the show and you get ready for bed. What do I need you for again?
Jerry says:
I say, "Hey we have been on the road for a while and I need this personal time...."
Jerry says:
Then......
Reverend Roger says:
then.......?
Reverend Roger says:
THEN.....!???
Jerry says:
WE HAVE THE CASH PROTECTOR!!!!!!!!!!
Reverend Roger says:
?
Reverend Roger says:
from Ronco?
Jerry says:
DON'T WORRY ABOUT LOOSING MONEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE SAVINGS....
Reverend Roger says:
savings?
Reverend Roger says:
Wallet condoms?
Jerry says:
THE CASH PROTECTOR FITS SNUGGLY IN YOUR POCKET AND WHEN YOU PUT THE CASH IN , IT NEVER COMES OUT!
Reverend Roger says:
Like my wife's hand?
Jerry says:
AND IT GIVES YOU A NICE WARM FEELING IN YOUR POCKET EVERYTIME IT TAKES YOUR MONEY!
Reverend Roger says:
Oh, nothing like my wife then.....
Jerry says:
AND.......................
Reverend Roger says:
then...........?
Jerry says:
YOU NEED A SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS!!!!!!!!
Jerry says:
YOU CAN KNOW IT ALL!
Reverend Roger says:
Did I miss the punch line?
Jerry says:
JUST THINK HOW IT WOULD FEEL TO TELL YOU FRIENDS, TELL YOUR FAMILY, TELL THE WORLD "I KNOW IT ALL!"
Jerry says:
YOU WILL BE A BLAST AT PARTIES!
Jerry says:
YOU KNOW IT ALL AND YOU TELL ALL YOU KNOW!
Jerry says:
COMES WITH A NIFTY CERTIFICATE STATING THAT YOU KNOW IT ALL!
Reverend Roger says:
the cash protector or the encyclopedias?
Reverend Roger says:
is my pocket still warm?
Reverend Roger says:
Hello?
Jerry says:
TWO GUYS WHO JUST HAPPEN TO BE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS A NORMAL MOVIE THAT TURNS OUT TO BE A PORNO!
Reverend Roger says:
and........?
Jerry says:
NIETHER ONE WANTS TO ADMIT, THEY FEEL AKWARD...
Reverend Roger says:
then..........?
Jerry says:
NEITHER ONE WANTS TO BE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO THE OTHER GUY IN A PORNO...
Reverend Roger says:
so..........?
Jerry says:
THE GIRL ON THE SCREEN LOOKS FAMILIAR!
Reverend Roger says:
and...........?
Jerry says:
THE GUY ON THE LEFT SAYS THATS MY WIFE!!!! THE GUY ON THE LEFT SAYS THATS MY WIFE!!!!
Jerry says:
THE GUY ON THE RIGHT SAYS IT CANT BE, IT'S MY WIFE!
Jerry says:
NO THE GUY ON THE LEFT SAYS HE SAW A BIRTHMARK!
Jerry says:
THE OTHER GUY SAYS THATS NO BIRTHMARK IT'S WHERE HE BIT HER IN A NIGHT OF PASSION!
Jerry says:
yOU BIT HER ON THE ASS?
Jerry says:
NO ON THE EAR!
Jerry says:
I am rambling....
Reverend Roger says:
"That's no anchovy, that's my wife!"
Reverend Roger says:
I thought you had an actual punch line for that one. damn!
Jerry says:
I was waiting for you to jump in...
Jerry says:
perfecting slop is easy with time...
Reverend Roger says:
I see, you make up the stories and I provide the punch lines?
Jerry says:
Thats it, my mad ramblings are your oysters!
Reverend Roger says:
You're loud and I'M funny?
Reverend Roger says:
Mountain Oysters!
Jerry says:
OK, I will be obnoxtious like they say I am and you show off your body!
Reverend Roger says:
(sheep nuts)
Jerry says:
Bull
Reverend Roger says:
Can I show off someone else's body?
Jerry says:
Hypnotism!
Jerry says:
We do a bit where you bring a chick on stage an put her a trance and I keep looking up her dress!
Reverend Roger says:
I hypnotize you and you punch knitting needles through your arm!
Reverend Roger says:
while looking up her dress...
Jerry says:
We both come up with $100 and book the gigs and split!
Reverend Roger says:
OK, I'm convinced. start booking dates, but don't forget the prunes.
Reverend Roger says:
What's the cash for?
Reverend Roger says:
women?
Jerry says:
Hey be careful, you know I will do it!
Reverend Roger says:
Don't we need and agent and a license?
Jerry says:
There you go!
Reverend Roger says:
We do need lots of drugs! Wait... this IS still the 70's, right?
Jerry says:
I don't know, reality is your department!
Reverend Roger says:
Aspirin and Geritol!
Jerry says:
I bet if I got in touch with the Mothers they would know a booking agent.
Reverend Roger says:
OK, save this chat, type it all up and add the punch lines. Come up with another 15 minutes of material and we're off.
Reverend Roger says:
I'll meet you there.
Jerry says:
Dont pull my leg.
Reverend Roger says:
We'll have to take your car.
Jerry says:
I can get a ride to Arizona I bet!
Reverend Roger says:
But I just spent $200 to sell insurance and mutual funds!
Jerry says:
Get it back!
Jerry says:
I will come there and live with you until your wife says we are funny enough to leave.
Reverend Roger says:
Maybe we should do a few freebies at the Improv or whatever first?
Reverend Roger says:
OK, YOU sleep with her, I get the couch!
Jerry says:
She'll think I am funny the first night!
Reverend Roger says:
I'm not sure that "pointing and laughing" is quite the same thing.
Jerry says:
LOL!
