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Jokes
 _¤-phoebe-¤_
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Quote from the pope
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When pressed to speak about how people should protect themself from STIs if not with condoms he replied that he had no problem with Catholics using condoms as long as they cut a hole in them to allow the opportunity to conceive a child. Bear in mind this man is the voice of God on earth.
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_ChameleonFarriss_
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Changing A Light Bulb The Christian Way... ;)
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad. Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.? However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish: What's a light bulb?
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•PUCK•
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OKAY, LET'S MAKE IT AN EVEN DOZEN FOR TODAY
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A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47." Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds." PUCK
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19Draco19
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Pearly Gates
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 All dead Atheist are trembling when realizing their about to be judged, they are before the Pearly Gates, behind them they see a magnificent figure,sitting on a fantastic chair, behind a bodacious desk, there sits a plaque which reads, '19Draco19' , they remember and ask Peter, are that Draco,? Peter answers, no, thats God, he only thinks his Draco,!!  |
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ASeaOfSins
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Jesus Always Wants To Go First!
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A crowd was about to stone a prostitute when suddenly Jesus appeared and proclaimed, "Let He who is without sin cast the first stone!" An angry voice from the crowd replied, "Jesus Christ! You always want to go first!"
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Bumpa205
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Adam to Eve the first time thay met.)
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(Adam to Rve:) Don't get to close as i am not shure how big this thing is going yo get.
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Bumpa205
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(MOSES TO GOD.)
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Cut of the tip of what???
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ChameleonFarriss
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WTH: "It's Everywhere... :p"
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Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius says, “Shit happens.”
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
Zen: Shit is, and is not,; what is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Mormon: This shit is going to happen again.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are bad; if shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Christian Science: Shit is only in your imagination.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Hedonism: There isn’t anything like a good shit happening.
Moonies: Only happy shit happens.
Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit.
Davidians: Let’s shoot and burn our own shit.
Church of Scientology: Of course, God created this shit; if shit happens, see Dianetics p.147.
Shinto: Chop the shit.
Eastern Russian orthodox: Holy shit (no more communism!)
Agnostic: Not sure about shit.
Shaoli: Destroy bad shits with Kung Fu.
Existentialism: What is shit, anyway? Shit does not happen, shit is.
Atheism: What shit?
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist and Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as good shit as shit that happens to all other.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again.
Nihilism: No shit.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor. Pray.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: that’s my shit mmunism: It’s everybody’s shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us.
Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, this shit looks like a garden.
Satanism: SNEPPAH THIS.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
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ChameleonFarriss
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ARE YOU KATHLICK?: "Heh - I'm Agnostic... ;)"
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Are you Kathlick? Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there.
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"
"Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now go out and play."
When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you. We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water. We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!"
"Yeah! What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisscopalians."
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goldencompass8
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Myspace Funny Picture Comments & Graphics
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Look this guy beat anorexia without the help of Jesus!
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goldencompass8
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GOODCRISTHIAN
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love jesus
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Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night as President.....in the White House. She haswaited so long..........
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "GO TO THE THEATER.
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Gospel John
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Evolution humor
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According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman was.
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Gospel John
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Otto's favorite joke
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"Don't Make the same mistake twice!" To suggest that someone not make the same mistake twice seems to indicate three mistakes, doesn't it? First you make the mistake. Then you make the same mistake. Then you make the same mistake twice. If you simply say, 'Don't make the same mistake,' you'll avoid the first mistake. <Insert a multi-syllabic Latin phrase here>
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Highlites6
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The Egg
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Question - " WHY DON'T NON-BELIEVERS EAT EGGS? " Answer - BECAUSE, THEY DON'T EAT THERE OWN KIND. HEE HEE HEE
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idigapony
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what do you call . . .
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What do you call a midget fortune teller on the run from the law? A small medium at large.
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